An Adult Who Had to Grow Up Too Fast

Series: Hey wait, that’s me!

You feel overwhelmed by the weight of responsibility, struggling to ask for help when you need it most. You find it challenging to set boundaries, fearing you'll disappoint others. You long for spontaneity but often feel stifled by the pressure to chase perfection, leaving you with dissatisfaction and burnout. You fear failure, which makes taking risks feel impossible, and expressing vulnerability feels like a risk you can’t afford. In this whirlwind of expectations and pressures, you realize you are an adult who had to grow up too fast.

Rushed to Adulthood: The Hidden Costs of Early Responsibility

Imagine this: you're a kid, but not really a kid, because you had to grow up fast. Sounds strange, right? In some families and cultures, this is praised — "Look how mature they are!" or "So wise beyond their years!" But let’s be real: kids need to be kids. They aren’t built to carry the emotional weight of their parents’ struggles, make grown-up decisions, or — in some cases — even parent their own parent. But they love their parents, or maybe they fear them, or grieve for them, so out of love, fear, or pure survival, they slip on their “big boy or big girl shoes” and keep going. No one talks about how much that takes a toll on them.

If you had to grow up too soon, this might hit close to home. Maybe your parent was battling mental health challenges, addiction, money troubles, or just had a tough time with relationships. You learned fast that if things were going to get done, you had to step up. Suddenly, the carefree days of playing with friends or making mistakes were gone. You became the adult in the room. And with that came a huge loss — the innocence of childhood vanished, taking with it the freedom to explore, play, and just be a kid. Then for the first time, you felt something so heavy — stress. It wasn’t just kid stress, it was the real, grown-up kind. The kind that sits on your chest, making you feel like if things go wrong, it’s on you. And when you couldn't manage it all (because, well, you were still a kid), guilt crept in, wrapping itself around you. As you got older, you might have found yourself feeling lost. What do I actually like? What’s my favorite color, band, or sport? Who am I? Because those years of figuring that out got swallowed by the weight of responsibilities. Instead of discovering yourself, you became the helper, the fixer, the one who gets things done. Your identity got tangled up in being the success story — and that’s all people saw.

Stepping Into Adulthood: Responsibilities You’ve Carried for Years

Now, here you are, an adult. Welcome to the smooth, stress-free world of adulthood (cue the sarcasm)! An adult with all the adult responsibilities, which honestly feels like something you've been doing for decades already — because, well, you kind of have. It’s no wonder you’re exhausted. Burnt out from life in general, and you’re not entirely sure why. How can managing work and life leave you so drained? How can you be out of energy when you’re "just" living? Well, you’ve been carrying the weight of responsibility for so long — for yourself, for others — that it’s hard to even think about what you want, let alone make space for it. Growing up too fast meant taking on roles that weren’t yours, and now, that pattern of putting everyone else first has followed you into adulthood.

Work, aka The Perfectionism Trap

Work is another beast altogether. It’s not just a job — it’s an endless quest for perfection. Not because you want to be perfect, but because that’s the only way you know how to function. The thought of making a mistake? Paralyzing. The fear of not meeting ridiculously high standards? Crippling. You might even procrastinate because the anxiety of not doing things perfectly makes you freeze. And this constant worry doesn’t just cause stress — it creates a loop of indecision and missed opportunities. This is directly tied to your childhood, where you learned that mistakes weren't an option and being “perfect” was how you could keep things under control.

I’m guessing you’re a high performer at work — top of your game, maybe even the go-to person for getting things done. And yet, you still feel like it’s never enough. This relentless drive to achieve, to prove yourself over and over, leads to emotional and physical burnout. You probably struggle to even believe that work-life balance is attainable. After all, you’ve been "balancing" responsibilities since you were a kid, and it’s always felt impossible.

Hobbies? More Like Side Hustles

And it doesn’t stop at work — this perfectionism seeps into your hobbies too. What should be fun or relaxing turns into another task to excel at. Hobbies stop being about enjoyment or an escape and instead become a competition with yourself to perfect skills or produce something impressive. Growing up too fast meant you never got to just play without expectations, and now, even your downtime feels like it needs to be productive.

Relaxation? Never Heard of Her

Speaking of downtime... relaxation? What’s that? If you grew up too fast, you probably feel guilty whenever you try to rest. There’s a constant voice in the back of your mind telling you that you should be doing something — anything — to be productive. Sitting still? That’s for other people. You find yourself always searching for tasks to keep busy, feeling like any moment of rest is “wasting time.” This constant need to be on the go is another leftover from childhood, when you had to always be “on” to keep things together.

Creativity? Yeah, not really your thing. 

Thinking outside the box can feel like an uphill battle. Adults who missed out on unstructured playtime as kids often struggle with innovation and flexibility. Playtime was where most kids learned to be imaginative and adaptable, but when your childhood was filled with adult responsibilities, that kind of creative freedom just wasn’t a priority. Now, you might feel stuck thinking in rigid, linear ways, which can make solving problems or embracing new ideas a lot harder than it should be.

Vulnerability? Terrifying, but it is worth a shot!

When it comes to relationships, opening up and being vulnerable? Not exactly your strong suit. You might feel like showing any sign of weakness is just unacceptable, which makes emotional intimacy a challenge. Growing up too fast often means you had to be strong, reliable, and in control, leaving little room to be open or needy. Now, those walls you built as a kid are still up, and they can make it tough to connect deeply with others.

Does any of this sound familiar? If so, you are so not alone in this — and it’s never too late to start rewriting your story. 

Reclaiming Your Right to Prioritize You

Many adults who had to grow up too fast share these struggles, and recognizing this connection is a crucial first step toward healing. Imagine a future where you no longer feel the weight of all the responsibilities that were never yours to bear, where you can embrace your inner child and explore who you are outside of your caregiving role. Picture yourself feeling comfortable enough to express vulnerability, allowing for deeper, more meaningful relationships, and discovering the joy in simply being yourself.

Healing from the impacts of growing up too fast involves some intentional steps. It starts with reclaiming your right to prioritize your needs and desires — something you might have had to suppress as a child. Allow yourself to feel the emotions you’ve pushed down for so long, whether that’s sadness, anger, grief or even joy. You can begin to establish boundaries that honor your well-being and practice self-compassion, recognizing that it's okay to take a break and just be. Embracing playfulness and creativity can also help you reconnect with that part of yourself that may have been lost along the way.

If you are seeking support and validation on this journey toward healing, I invite you to book a consultation. Together, we can explore your experiences and work towards a life where you can thrive, not just survive. You deserve the space to heal and rediscover who you truly are.

Thinking its time to heal from your past? Set up a therapy appointment today with Angel City Therapy and start the journey today.

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