‘Modern Loneliness’: More Connected Yet More Alone Than Ever
Series: Mental Health in Media
You know that feeling when the days get shorter, the weather turns colder, and suddenly, loneliness creeps in? Yeah, same. It happens to a lot of us this time of year. Between the early sunsets and the holiday season approaching, it’s no wonder depression and isolation hit harder. But here’s the kicker: social media. While it’s supposed to keep us connected, it often does the opposite, leaving us feeling more isolated than ever. Just take a look at Lauv’s song “Modern Loneliness.” It perfectly captures that paradox of being constantly "connected" online, but still feeling completely alone. It’s a reminder that even in a world full of updates and notifications, true, meaningful connection can be harder than ever to find.
The Emotional Complexity of Modern Isolation
Lauv’s lyrics highlight a truth that many of us, especially in our 20s, struggle to express: the paradox of being surrounded by people yet feeling utterly alone. With all the ways to "stay connected" through social media and texting, it often feels like our relationships are more surface-level than ever. You scroll through Instagram and see an old friend’s wedding photos, yet you haven’t spoken to them in years. Or you see endless updates from people you once knew well, but realize you don’t really know them anymore—not beyond the carefully curated posts. That’s when loneliness sets in. It’s not that we don’t know people; it’s that we don’t truly know them anymore, and people don’t truly know us.
“Modern Loneliness” brings attention to how loneliness can feel self-inflicted. He talks about isolating himself, even though he craves connection—a feeling many of us can relate to. It’s that inner conflict: wanting to reach out to friends or family but holding back due to fear, guilt, or just habit. It’s attending a family gathering and feeling disconnected, or watching someone share their successes and feeling quietly envious because you haven’t yet found the courage to open up about your own struggles. Beneath all this is a simple truth: we all want relationships where we feel seen, valued, and understood, not just liked or followed.
What makes “Modern Loneliness” resonate so much is that it doesn’t just highlight personal feelings, it critiques the way our culture operates. It’s a culture that prioritizes instant gratification, online personas, and constant productivity over real, in-person connection. We're so focused on projecting an image that we forget to nurture the messy, vulnerable, and authentic moments that actually build real relationships. We’ve all seen those comments like “We should catch up soon!”—but those catch-ups never actually happen. Social media makes us feel like we're staying in touch, but those interactions are often shallow, leaving little space for the depth we truly crave.
Here’s the hopeful part: Lauv’s song isn’t just about the struggle—it’s a call to action. It reminds us that while loneliness might feel unavoidable, we do have the power to choose where we focus our attention. It encourages us to seek out deeper, more authentic connections, and to be kinder to ourselves when loneliness hits. You’re not alone in feeling this way, and there is hope for building the meaningful relationships you truly deserve.
A Step-by-Step Guide to Managing Our Personal Modern Loneliness
So, what can we do about it? Loneliness isn’t a problem that can be fixed overnight, but it is something we can work through. Here are some steps to help you navigate and manage your loneliness:
Step One: Allow Yourself To Feel Without Judgment
The first step is giving yourself permission to feel lonely—without beating yourself up about it. It’s easy to tell yourself, “I shouldn’t feel this way” or “Everyone else seems fine—what’s wrong with me?” But the truth is, loneliness is a normal part of life. It’s not a flaw, and it doesn’t make you less of a person. It’s a sign that something is missing, whether it’s a deeper connection, more self-understanding, or a sense of belonging. Allow yourself to feel it. It’s okay to be lonely sometimes—it’s just part of being human.
Step Two: Reflect On What You Really Need
Once you’ve accepted your loneliness, take a moment to reflect. Ask yourself: Are there relationships in my life that feel superficial? Am I surrounded by people but still feel unseen? Maybe you’re giving so much of yourself to others that you’re feeling drained. Maybe you crave deeper conversations or simply someone who will listen without judgment. Take time to explore these feelings and get to the core of what you truly need from your relationships. Your loneliness is telling you something important—don’t ignore it.
Step Three: Take Action to Create Meaningful Connections (and it takes courage!)
This is where things get real. It’s time to take intentional steps toward creating deeper connections. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but you can do it. You might worry, “What if they don’t understand me?” or “What if I come across as too much?” These fears are normal, but they don’t have to stop you. Start small—reach out to someone you feel a sense of trust with, or nurture relationships that truly make you feel seen. It might also mean setting boundaries with people or situations that drain your energy.
Cultivating meaningful relationships takes time and patience. In a world that pushes for instant gratification, we often forget that deep bonds are built over time. These aren’t instant friendships—they require vulnerability, shared experiences, and trust. Be patient with yourself and with others. Remember that the connections you long for will develop, but they won’t happen overnight.
Holding Hope For You
At the end of the day, managing loneliness is about learning to navigate it. It’s about using those moments of solitude as opportunities for growth and connection—both with yourself and others. I know it’s not always easy to hold onto hope when loneliness feels overwhelming, and the good news is that loneliness is something you can do something about. Change is possible, and the right relationships are out there waiting for you.
Remember, you’re not alone in this. You are worthy of deep, meaningful connections, and those connections are within your reach. If you ever feel stuck, seeking support from a therapist can help. Schedule an intake and together, we can work through these feelings and create a plan to help you build the authentic, fulfilling relationships you deserve.
You don’t have to wait for someone else to make the first move. You are capable of taking the steps to build the connection, warmth, and belonging you desire. Take it one step at a time, and trust that even the smallest steps will bring you closer to feeling truly seen, heard, and loved.
If you’re ready to take the next step toward healing, whether for yourself or your family, I invite you to book a consultation with Angel City Therapy. Let’s work together to bring more calm and clarity to your life. You deserve support, and there’s hope for smoother sailing ahead!
Set up a therapy appointment today with Angel City Therapy and start the journey today.
