Dreading The Holiday Feasts
Series: Hey wait, that’s me!
You dread sitting at the holiday table, knowing someone will comment on what you’re eating—or not eating. Maybe it’s the offhand remark about how much is on your plate or the way someone glances at you before saying, “Are you really going to eat all that?” It’s not just the food, though. You feel the pressure to squeeze into festive outfits that don’t feel like they were made for you, surrounded by relatives who seem to notice every change in your appearance since last year. What’s supposed to be a time for joy and connection instead feels like a time of judgment and discomfort.
You wish you could just relax and enjoy the season, but it’s hard to feel festive when food, appearances, and other people’s opinions overshadow it all. It’s a heavy weight to carry, realizing you’ve grown into an adult who dreads what should be a comforting tradition of holiday feasts.
It’s More Than Just the Food
The holidays can stir up a whirlwind of emotions—shame, anxiety, frustration, and even resentment. You might feel a pit in your stomach as you walk into a room full of relatives, wondering who will comment on your appearance this year. Maybe it’s the aunt who always comments about how much food is on your plate or the cousin who subtly brags about their latest diet or new fitness routine, to which they learned about on Instagram or TikTok. You try to tune it out, but the words stay with you.
It’s more than just the food. It’s the pressure of trying to be "normal" around people who may not understand how stressful these situations can be. The constant comparisons, the silent judgment, and the endless focus on appearances—it can make you want to disappear or skip the whole thing. If you’ve ever wondered why something that should be joyful feels so overwhelming, know that you’re not alone in this at all. It’s okay to feel triggered, uncomfortable, or disconnected during what’s supposed to be a time of togetherness. These emotions don’t make you ungrateful or wrong. They simply reflect the very real challenges that come with the intersection of food, family, and festive expectations.
This Struggle Is Not Your Fault
These feelings don’t come out of nowhere. Society places so much emphasis on how we look and what we eat, especially during the holidays, when food is at the center of everything! Our social media algorithms flood us with images of “perfect” bodies and “ideal” holiday dinners, creating unrealistic standards that many of us feel we must measure up to. Family dynamics can also play a huge role. Perhaps your relatives, whether unknowingly or, even more painfully, knowingly, make comments that trigger old wounds or reinforce long-held beliefs about your body or eating habits. For some, past experiences with food or body image shape how they approach holiday meals—whether it’s restricting, overindulging, or constantly worrying about how others perceive them.
It’s important to recognize that this struggle isn’t about failing or being weak; it’s about external pressures that affect how we view ourselves and navigate social situations. This struggle is not your fault. It’s a product of societal messages, family dynamics, and past experiences that have shaped how you approach food, your relationship with yourself, and because of that, now the holidays. Acknowledging this can help release some of the shame and self-blame and remind you that these feelings are normal, even when they’re uncomfortable.
This Season Does Not Have to Feel Impossible
I know the holiday season can feel like you're on your own when it comes to your relationship with food and your body, but there are practical steps you can take to regain a sense of control and protect your well-being.
Set Boundaries: It’s okay to set limits on what you’re willing to talk about or engage with. If you know a conversation about your weight or food choices might be uncomfortable, it’s important to communicate that. You can politely and firmly say, “I’m not comfortable talking about my weight right now” or “I’d rather not focus on food this year.” If someone continues to push, it’s completely acceptable to walk away from the conversation or situation altogether! You might say, “I’m going to step away for a bit,” and take a short break to recenter yourself. Setting boundaries like this allows you to take control of the situation and minimize stress, without feeling like you need to please anyone else.
Plan Ahead: When you know a gathering might trigger anxiety, it’s helpful to have a plan in place. Think ahead about potential stressors and how you’ll handle them. For example, decide on a specific time for a “check-in” moment where you step away from the group, take a few deep breaths, or call a friend to ground yourself. If the event has food, you can pre-plan how much you feel comfortable eating or bring a dish you enjoy. You might even want to give yourself permission to leave early if it starts feeling overwhelming. Having multiple strategies in place—whether it’s taking breaks, engaging in a side conversation, or using self-care tools—can give you a sense of control before you walk into a potentially triggering situation. This helps you feel empowered instead of at the mercy of the environment.
Reframe Holiday Goals: Instead of focusing on being perfect—whether that’s looking a certain way, eating “correctly,” or adhering to unrealistic expectations—shift your focus to what truly matters: connection, moments of joy, and most importantly, self-compassion. Embrace the idea that it's okay to show up imperfectly. You don’t need to look or act in any particular way to be worthy of love or enjoyment during this time. Focus on how you want to feel rather than how you think you should appear. Practice self-compassion by giving yourself permission to not be perfect, to take breaks when needed, and to let go of unrealistic expectations. Remind yourself that it’s okay to have moments of struggle, and you don’t need to apologize for feeling anxious or overwhelmed. Simply being kind to yourself can shift the whole experience, allowing you to engage with the season in a way that feels true to you, without guilt.
Mindfulness Strategies: In moments when anxiety feels overwhelming, grounding techniques or deep breathing exercises can help you reset. Take a moment to breathe deeply and slowly, focusing on the sensation of air filling your lungs. Ground yourself by noticing the texture of something nearby or counting your breaths. These small practices can help you feel more centered, calm, and in control when stress is high.
Support System: Don’t hesitate to lean on your support network. Having people to talk to can make all the difference. Share your feelings, vent when you need to, or just let someone know you’re struggling. Sometimes, knowing you’re not alone can be the most powerful tool for navigating a challenging season.
By incorporating these strategies, you can navigate the holiday season with more ease and self-compassion, creating space for meaningful moments while taking care of your mental and emotional health.
It’s Not About Perfection—It’s About Progress
This time can be overwhelming, but remember, your worth isn’t defined by how you navigate this season. It’s not about perfection—it’s about progress, small steps, and showing up for yourself in ways that honor your needs and your well-being. You don’t have to carry the weight of unrealistic expectations or external pressures. You deserve to experience peace, joy, and connection this season, and that includes giving yourself permission to set boundaries, take breaks, and practice self-compassion.
If you find yourself struggling and would like extra support, we’re here for you. If you don’t have a therapist yet and need guidance during this time, scheduling an intake with us could be the next step in creating the space you need for healing. You don’t have to go through this alone. You are worthy of support, and we’re here to help you navigate the season with strength and grace.
If you’re ready to take the next step toward healing, whether for yourself or your family, I invite you to book a consultation with Angel City Therapy. Let’s work together to bring more calm and clarity to your life. You deserve support, and there’s hope for smoother sailing ahead!
Set up a therapy appointment today with Angel City Therapy and start the journey today.
