There is No Excuse For Mean: The Need For Emotional Safety in Relationships

In a World of Drama, Choose To Be on the Same Team

There is no excuse for mean. This simple yet profound statement encapsulates a truth that often gets overlooked in relationships—the power of always finding kindness for our partner in any circumstance. 

At Angel City Therapy, we've heard countless excuses for hurtful behavior:  "Well, I was mad," "I had been drinking," “It's because of my mental health,” or even blaming their partner. I am here to say that there are no excuses for mean behavior. I get it; when angry or when you feel hurt by your partner, it can lead you to want to make your partner feel as bad as you do. But if we really consider this, if you care about this person a lot, would you really want them to feel pain?

This kind of harmful communication can include name-calling, snapping at your partner, taking cheap jabs, passive aggression, aggression, or emotional manipulation.

Unfortunately, the media often portrays relationships as battlegrounds filled with drama, conflict, and hurtful words. Harmful communication can include name-calling, snapping at your partner, taking cheap gabs, passive aggression, aggression, or emotional manipulation. We're bombarded with images of characters who prioritize their own needs over the well-being of their partners. This can lead us to believe that such behavior is acceptable or even ideal.  We are told about passionate fights being desired as they lead to passionate make-up sex. This harmful stereotype perpetuates the idea that conflict is a necessary part of a healthy relationship and that hurtful words and actions can be justified as long as they're followed by a passionate reconciliation.

However, this is a dangerous misconception. While it's normal to have disagreements and conflicts in any relationship, every partner needs to be able to solve problems together and deal with disagreements. How we handle these situations and challenges can significantly impact the long-term health of our relationship. A truly healthy relationship is one where both partners feel safe, valued, and respected, even during disagreements. Leading to what I call “productive arguments.” 

Instead of focusing on passionate fights and dramatic reconciliations, we should strive to build relationships based on mutual respect, empathy, and understanding. By prioritizing kindness, communication, and compromise, we can create a loving and supportive environment where both partners can thrive. Kindness, a seemingly small act, can have a ripple effect that can lead to a profound sense of deep emotional safety in a relationship. 

 Finding Deep Emotional Safety in Your Relationship

Imagine being able to share something deeply vulnerable and knowing that your partner is there to listen without judgment or criticism. It's like having a safe harbor where you can express your fears, doubts, and hopes, knowing you'll be met with empathy and understanding. This is the power of emotional safety in a relationship.

When we feel emotionally safe with our partner, we can truly be ourselves without fear of rejection or ridicule. We can share our deepest thoughts and feelings, knowing that they will be received with compassion and respect. This level of intimacy fosters a bond that is both strong and enduring.

In an emotionally safe relationship, you can:

• Be Vulnerable: Share your fears, insecurities, and dreams without fear of judgment.

• Express Yourself Freely: Communicate openly and honestly, even when it's difficult.

• Trust Your Partner: Know that your partner will be there for you, no matter what.

• Grow Together: Work through challenges and conflicts as a team.

• Experience Deeper Intimacy: Connect on a deeper level, both emotionally and physically. This includes amazing sex! Sex therapists will agree that the more you can be vulnerable with your partner, especially when talking about your needs during sex, the more you can look forward to having the best sex of your life! Just imagine never feeling uncomfortable or self-conscious and your partner knowing all the ways they can turn you on and make you feel pleasure, leading to hours and hours of feeling that nonstop pleasure…oolala!

If you're fortunate enough to have found a partner who provides emotional safety, cherish this precious gift. It's a foundation upon which you can build a truly fulfilling and lasting relationship.

How Couples Therapy Can Help Build a Stronger Relationship

Couples therapy can be a powerful tool for strengthening your relationship. Here are some specific ways therapy can help:

1. Improve Communication

• Active Listening: Learn to truly listen to your partner's perspective without interrupting or formulating your response.

• Increase Vulnerability: Express your needs and feelings clearly and respectfully.

• Conflict Resolution: Develop effective strategies for resolving disagreements and avoiding destructive arguments.

2. Heal Past Wounds

• Address Resentment: Work through past hurts and forgive each other.

• Let Go of the Past: Focus on the present and future rather than dwelling on past mistakes.

• Rebuild Trust: Restore trust and intimacy in your relationship.

3. Enhance Intimacy

• Emotional Intimacy: Deepen your emotional connection through open and honest communication.

• Physical Intimacy: Improve your sex life by addressing any underlying issues, such as communication problems or emotional distance.

4. Strengthen Your Bond

• Work on Being on the Same Team: Work together to achieve common goals and meet each other where they are at.

Remember, couples therapy is not just for couples in crisis. It can be a valuable tool for any couple who wants to improve their relationship. By seeking professional help, you can gain valuable insights, develop new skills, and build a stronger, more fulfilling partnership.

Ready to find safety, deep connection, and better sex in your relationships?

If you're ready to invest in your relationship, schedule a couples therapy appointment with Angel City Therapy. Our experienced therapists can help you navigate challenges, strengthen your bond, and build a lasting love.

Contact us today to start your journey towards a happier, healthier relationship. Set up a therapy appointment today with Angel City Therapy and start the journey today.

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